Another Essay

This is the final essay I wrote for my English 121 class. I thought I might share it with you. One day, before I got married nine years ago, I called my cousin. She was the eldest of five cousins that grew up within three blocks of each other. I had called to get a few things off my chest before I got married, things that needed to be said. I told her she was mean and bossy. I told her she was a terrible role model. I rambled on for hours about how her pinching and hair pulling was unacceptable. I told her that all of us kids hated her. I put her in tears. I have no recollection of the call whatsoever; I was undergoing an alcohol induced blackout episode at the time. I learned about our conversation three years after the fact. It was not the first time I had drunk enough alcohol to forget what happened. It was one of a handful that someone was brave enough to confront me with later. You see, I am a non-practicing alcoholic. I say non-practicing because during treatment, I learned I can never recover from being an alcoholic. I can choose to drink or not, and after accepting that I have a problem with drinking, I choose not to drink. I have accepted my drinking problem for many reasons; my knowledge of alcohol induced blackouts is one of them. It never occurred to me before treatment, however, that the alcohol induced blackouts I was experiencing were an early warning sign of my problem. They didn’t happen often. Besides, everyone blacks out occasionally, right? I usually passed it off as drinking on an empty stomach and laughed away as friends retold of my antics. Once I went through a professional treatment program though, I learned the truth. Alcohol induced blackouts are a hallmark symptom of alcohol related problems. I am fortunate to have had the opportunity to confront my problem, but many who experience multiple blackout episodes deny they have a drinking problem. Though they may disagree, those who have experienced multiple blackouts in the past six months likely have drinking problems. It is important to any discussion about alcohol induced blackouts to make the distinction between blackouts and passing out. Passing out occurs when people fall asleep after having consumed too much alcohol or drink themselves unconscious. A blackout, on the other hand, is a period of conscious activity in which short term memory does not make the transition to the long term memory of the drinker. Alcohol inhibits the brain’s ability to form new memories, leaving the drinker unable to recall events once sober. In short, a person who experiences a blackout can not remember what happened the previous night though he or she was able to function normally, if somewhat impaired. Because short term memory is not affected, it is even possible to perform complicated tasks, like driving a car or holding a conversation. Moreover, because alcohol does not affect prior memories or active thoughts in short term memory, the person experiencing a blackout may not even appear overly impaired to the casual observer. Since passing out implies that a person is unconscious, the two terms are mutually exclusive. That is not to say that a person who passes out could not have had a blackout episode beforehand. In fact, blackouts are often followed by passing out. The first major studies into blackouts were performed by the biostatistician and psychologist, E.M. Jellinek, in the 1940’s. The frequency with which a group of non-practicing alcoholics from Alcoholics Anonymous reported that they had experienced multiple blackout episodes led Jellinek to conclude that blackouts were a powerful indicator of alcoholism (White). In the 1960’s and 70’s more in-depth studies were performed. In one survey of hospitalized alcoholics, 64% reported having had blackout episodes. In another study of seven hospitalized alcoholics, who were given access to alcohol over a period of several days, five of the seven were observed to have had blackout episodes that lasted from nine hours to three days (White). Blackouts are so common among alcoholics because we tend to drink to excess. Despite promises to only have a couple of drinks, I routinely consumed enough alcohol to induce a blackout. I would get off work with the intention of having just one quick drink before heading home. A friend would join me and I would have to stay for one more. We would get to talking and I’d order a third and then a fourth. From there it was easy to find an excuse to continue the party and before long, I was waking up in bed wondering how I got home. By the time my blackout episodes became weekly occurrences, I suspected I might have a drinking problem, but by then it was too late. I had lost the fight for control of my will. For the non-alcoholic, it is hard to believe how I could not have recognized that I had a drinking problem. For social drinkers, blackout episodes often occur when they are inexperienced drinkers. Because of this inexperience, they rapidly consume alcohol, quickly becoming intoxicated and susceptible to a blackout. Because of the loss of control, social drinkers find this experience frightening, which leads them to reevaluate their drinking patterns so as to avoid blackouts. In my case, however, blackouts were an early manifestation of my increasing tolerance to alcohol. I enjoyed being out of control and often partied with the intention of drinking to get drunk. Blackouts were no more of a concern than the hangover I bragged about the next morning. In fact, since I had little memory of the previous night, it was easy for me to fill in the blanks with positive thoughts of the enjoyment I received from being drunk. Additionally, friends and family were loath to tell me the bad stories. The only memories I associated with blacking out were happy ones. Far from being a deterrent, blackouts were reinforcement for my destructive behavior. Since they occur in both social and problem drinkers, a blackout does not in itself indicate a drinking problem. Multiple or frequent blackouts, however, rarely occur in the moderate or social drinker and are widely recognized as a powerful pre-addiction sign of alcoholism. As a non-practicing alcoholic, I am well aware of the excuses those who have experienced multiple blackouts may use to deny they have a problem. They may be telling themselves that they are too young to have a drinking problem. They may be saying that everyone experiences blackouts occasionally or that they only blackout after going to parties. They may be telling themselves that they don’t drink that often to have a drinking problem or that just because they blackout occasionally it doesn’t mean they can not control their drinking. Alcoholism is a progressive disease. In the beginning, before addiction sets in, the progression is slow. For a long time the problem drinker may exhibit relative control over his or her drinking habit, being able to stop drinking for a period of time or control the amount of alcohol consumed in a sitting. Since I was able to control my drinking, it was easy for me to convince myself I did not have a drinking problem. I was too young to have a drinking problem. It didn’t happen that often and all my friends had blackouts. The difference was that while blackouts scared my friends into changing their drinking habits, I ignored the warning signs and made excuses for my dangerous behavior. Over time, I began to drink more and more often, seeking the euphoric high created by being drunk. My increased tolerance to alcohol and loss of control caused me to experience blackouts with greater and greater frequency. By the time I was aware that I had a drinking problem, I had lost all control to alcohol and had nearly destroyed my life. Fortunately for me, I had a caring future spouse that forced me to accept that I had a drinking problem. Her condition for our future marriage was that I seek professional help. With her support, I checked myself into a local outpatient treatment facility and have been sober ever since. I often wonder, though, who else did I call that night? What other horrible things did I say to my relatives? Who else did I put into tears? Because I did not heed the warning sign presented by multiple blackouts early on in my progression to alcoholism, it is a fear that I will live with for the rest of my days. Work Cited White, Aaron. "What Happened? Alcohol, Memory Blackouts, and the Brain." NIAAA Publications. July 2004. National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism. 5 Dec 2006 http://pubs.niaaa.nih.gov/publications/arh27-2/186-196.htm