Relativity

Here I am, sitting on my ass, feeling too exhausted just from all the to-dos running around in my head to do a single thing about any of them. Depressed. Tired. Lonely. And yet, I have this more practical side of my brain which reminds me that, all-in-all, my life is actually fairly nice. I mean, it would be nice to have more money- being able to buy groceries and have some left over to pay bills is a fantasy of mine, after all- and having more time to spend with my children would be beautiful too. But, I do have two glorious sons, am married to my high school sweetheart, have a job that I enjoy, plenty of close family nearby, my health, a home in a safe country, ...... So why am I depressed and deflated? Why should I be so special as to have the permission to feel this way when I really have no reason to? Why indeed. It occurs to me that everyone's experience is absolutely relative to their own life. I feel as though I am not strong inside, can't beat this depression on my own. But maybe, were I faced with some catastrophe, I would find I am indeed strong. When I find myself irritated by other's complaining about something I find trivial, I need to step back, realize that I have no idea what has happened in their life before this moment. And not judge. And maybe not judge myself for being depressed either. Ah, there's something in that. I am terribly hard on myself. Need to be perfect. 'Cause who would like me if I were anything less? And yet, I don't see the same flaws in others around me. Guess I really do need to step back and not judge.